Forward Steps Self Improvement Blog

A Problem
It’s interesting when you consider the balance we attempt every time we have a conversation. For example: A person is trying to communicate an idea to you by speaking. You in turn, are listening (supposed to be anyway) that is why they’re speaking of course. And so now, the dilemma is exposed when the person is finished speaking; we need something wonderful to say.

Most of us tend to listen selectively, hearing what we want to hear, and filtering everything else out. At this point we begin to postulate our own “Genius” ideas, even while the other person is still talking! Of course “we” would never do anything like this, I’m talking about other people. Now, if we’re thinking of what to say, while they’re still talking, is it possible then to still “really” listen? Hint: The correct answer would be No.

An Answer
In this example, the effective way to communicate would be to, listen intently to the ideas they’re communicating. It’s ok to form a basic idea of how you’re going to respond, just don’t let it consume your thoughts to the point where you can’t hear what they’re saying. When they’re finished speaking, take a pause if you need to and figure out what you’re going to say, then let ‘er rip. *Note* It’s ok to pause and have a moment of silence…..it really doesn’t have to be awkward EVERY time.

A Few Tips

1. Voice Inflection and Body Language: Words create emotions; every time you speak, a positive or negative emotion is created within the other person. We’ve all heard: “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Use voice inflection to illustrate your points more effectively. This includes: Tone, Pitch, Volume, and Rhythm. Become aware of your body language when speaking. It’s said that 55% of communication comes from body language, 38% from tone of voice and 7% from the actual content. People understand that words are cheap and this is why they subconsciously look for other signals to decode the information you’re transmitting.

2. Listen Intently: Listening alone accounts for 50% of communication; If you can listen well, you can communicate well. Normally, when someone speaks, the other person subconsciously decides they either, aren’t worth listening to and filter out most of what’s said or they’re so consumed with how they’re going to respond, that they don’t listen carefully.

Many problems arise due to miscommunication; this happens because the correct message either wasn’t transmitted or received correctly, resulting in frustration and/or confusion. If we could only learn to communicate well, imagine the frustrations that could be avoided in our daily lives. Another technique that’s simple to use, is to become just as involved in what the person is saying as they are. This creates an immediate connection, because enthusiasm and sincerity are sensed by the person communicating.

3. Eye Contact: What’s the proper amount of eye contact in a conversation? There’s a concept called matching, you simply mirror the other persons level of eye contact. If they’re giving you solid eye contact, say 85% and glancing away briefly before returning, then you do the same. It’s important to understand that a person’s ability to look you in the eye, is directly related to that person’s confidence in themselves. By improving your confidence and self esteem, you can become a better communicator. This takes some work and dedication, but is sure to pay off in more ways than one.

4. Speak With Authority, Conviction and Passion: Often, someone speaks just to fill dead space and they don’t really know what they’re talking about. This is a Mistake. Instead, when you speak, you want to do so with Authority, Conviction and Passion. Speak from your diaphragm, to get a deeper sound. In this manner, you cause people to want to listen, making your words more effective.

A Conclusion
Many mistakes are made when communicating, we’ve only attempted to cover a few key issues here today. When someone is speaking, do your best to really listen to what they’re saying before formulating a response. Vary your voice inflection to increase the attention span of your listener. Understand that Body Language is a large part of Communicating and learn to match the other persons level of eye contact for a comfortable exchange of words. Learn to speak with Authority, Conviction and Passion and you’ll increase the effectiveness of your words. Communicating effectively is a difficult task, but if you have the will to learn and apply these principals, you too, can become a better communicator.

Guest Article by Adam Curren:
Adam Curren has been writing and editing since April 2008 and he specializes in Personal Development/Educational Articles. Adam’s goal is to improve the quality of life for his reader through the written word. Please feel free to view more of Adam’s work through the following links: charactergrowth.com www.ehow.com www.christianmagazine.org www.lifeoptimizer.org