Forward Steps Self Improvement Blog-

This is a guest post…

Do you ever get caught up in the habit of predicting things? If you do, you have surrendered to a basic human need to want to know and explain things so that they fit with your own personal view of the world.

What makes us uncomfortable and anxious is this feeling of not knowing something. We rather make up assumptions based on what we believe or think is true.

When we make assumptions based on we belief or think is true, we often predict things and question others. The opinions we thus create are no more than disguised first impressions and biased opinions. You bias your opinions based on what you believe is true. And then you go on to make the fatal mistake of thinking that other people share the same opinion as you do.

Mis-perceptions are what causes false expectations. And (erronuous~false~flawed~incorrect) expectations lead to conflict and disappointment. Expectations that are based on mind-reading, are often at the core of the conflicts and drama you experience at work and in your personal relationships.

When you attach yourself so strongly to how things are ‘supposed to be,’ then it is very difficult to separate your perceived reality from what is really happening.  

If for some reason you believe you are going to get a promotion and you don’t, your expectation of the promotion and subsequent let down, causes conflict between you and your supervisor. That conflict has the potential to spill over into all aspects of your life. If you assume a team mate knows his responsibilities for a given task and he fails to deliver, again, your expectations for completing the project properly, or on time, are dashed. Dashed expectations are what lead to unabashed conflict.  

Wouldn’t it be much easier if you stopped making assumptions all together?

This would mean you’d have to communicate a heck of a lot more. You’d have to put more energy into your relationships. You’d have to try to be attuned to the perceptions and beliefs of others. The payoff for this extra effort though, would be a much smoother and less stressful existence. Image living in a world where you could be fairly certain your perceptions and reality were well aligned.

You can accomplish this type of existence by making a commitment to stop making assumptions. Consider the following life coaching tips to avoid making assumptions:

Prior to making decisions, ask yourself, “Do I know with a good amount of certainty what others are thinking, feeling, or doing?” If you can’t answer “yes,” then you need to go direct to the source and get the answers you need. Tell yourself that you do not need to control everything. The only thing you have control over is you. Exercise that control by gathering as much real information as you can and understand that not everything in the world will fit into your neat idea of how the world should work. 

When you find yourself mind-reading, take a moment and ask yourself what you are trying to make sense of. Then go and gather the facts and/or information that will help you do that

Mind-reading does make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Luckily you have the power to stop making assumptions that can cause hurt feelings and damage relationships.

When you take into consideration the uniqueness of different perceptions, you will come to understand that other people’s sense of the world can be surprising and enlightening. Instead of trying to fit everyone into your own box, break out of your box and live free of the habit to control and assume.