Forward Steps Blog

This is a guest post…

I realize it, gloomy title for an article. However, it’s true. We are all on the proverbial sinking ship. We may not know when it’s going to sink into the depths, but sink it will. Our time is limited and when our number gets called, and we find ourselves headed to that smashing all-you-can-eat-chicken-wing-buffet in the sky.

So maybe that’s not the way you picture it, but you have to concede that we are living on borrowed time. I understand that’s a somewhat depressing statement coming from a motivational speaker. Someone ought to have me put together a children’s book and the last page would read, “And they all lived happily ever after – except for Mrs. Watson who ate a bad burrito and died after 18 hours of horrible gastric distress.”

There are three scenes that I remember with clarity from that movie”Titanic” – the part where the musician plays his violin as they go down- the scene where the captain opt s to die with his ship – and the earlier scene where they show the fancy uptight people on the upper deck swiling fine wine and listening to classical music while they strain under the effort of attempting to impress each other- in parallel with the dirt poor ordinary people in the bowels of the ship who are dancing arm in arm to the rich flourishing beat of the fiddle’s music – their fingers sticky, their hair in strings, their arms flung out in utter abandonment as their wide toothless grins express the hope that carries them through despair.

I was struck by the polarity of those two pictures of humanity and how they symbolize two very opposite ways to live your life. You can live your life starchy and proper, taken up with appearances, discerning the value in others by the degree of silverware or thread count in a sheet, measuring every step as if all the world were watching and you so desperately don’t wish to let them see you slip. Or you can live your life desperately gleeful despite your circumstances – looking for every chance to fling out your arms and dance. I will admit that there are numerous instances in my existence where I find myself upstairs- lured into that world that whispers to you it’s all about making it to the top of the heap. But it’s not too long before I find myself running back down to the belly of the ship to find the ordinary people- to link arms with the toothless guy with the huge grin – and just dance.

We don’t know when our ship will sink, only that one day it will go under. Will you breathe your last struggling to grab all your fine things? Will you be playing your violin until the very last instant? Will you opt to go down with your ship? Or will you spend your time dancing, arm in arm with the simple folk? The choice is up to you. The days are counted. See you in the belly of the ship.

This is a guest post…

Do you ever get caught up in the habit of predicting things? If you do, you have surrendered to a basic human need to want to know and explain things so that they fit with your own personal view of the world.

What makes us uncomfortable and anxious is this feeling of not knowing something. We rather make up assumptions based on what we believe or think is true.

When we make assumptions based on we belief or think is true, we often predict things and question others. The opinions we thus create are no more than disguised first impressions and biased opinions. You bias your opinions based on what you believe is true. And then you go on to make the fatal mistake of thinking that other people share the same opinion as you do.

Mis-perceptions are what causes false expectations. And (erronuous~false~flawed~incorrect) expectations lead to conflict and disappointment. Expectations that are based on mind-reading, are often at the core of the conflicts and drama you experience at work and in your personal relationships.

When you attach yourself so strongly to how things are ‘supposed to be,’ then it is very difficult to separate your perceived reality from what is really happening.  

If for some reason you believe you are going to get a promotion and you don’t, your expectation of the promotion and subsequent let down, causes conflict between you and your supervisor. That conflict has the potential to spill over into all aspects of your life. If you assume a team mate knows his responsibilities for a given task and he fails to deliver, again, your expectations for completing the project properly, or on time, are dashed. Dashed expectations are what lead to unabashed conflict.  

Wouldn’t it be much easier if you stopped making assumptions all together?

This would mean you’d have to communicate a heck of a lot more. You’d have to put more energy into your relationships. You’d have to try to be attuned to the perceptions and beliefs of others. The payoff for this extra effort though, would be a much smoother and less stressful existence. Image living in a world where you could be fairly certain your perceptions and reality were well aligned.

You can accomplish this type of existence by making a commitment to stop making assumptions. Consider the following life coaching tips to avoid making assumptions:

Prior to making decisions, ask yourself, “Do I know with a good amount of certainty what others are thinking, feeling, or doing?” If you can’t answer “yes,” then you need to go direct to the source and get the answers you need. Tell yourself that you do not need to control everything. The only thing you have control over is you. Exercise that control by gathering as much real information as you can and understand that not everything in the world will fit into your neat idea of how the world should work. 

When you find yourself mind-reading, take a moment and ask yourself what you are trying to make sense of. Then go and gather the facts and/or information that will help you do that

Mind-reading does make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Luckily you have the power to stop making assumptions that can cause hurt feelings and damage relationships.

When you take into consideration the uniqueness of different perceptions, you will come to understand that other people’s sense of the world can be surprising and enlightening. Instead of trying to fit everyone into your own box, break out of your box and live free of the habit to control and assume.

This is a guest post…

Many people have lives that are focused on everything BUT creativity. Many people have got neccessary obligations, meetings, work on the house or apartment, commitments and ongoing demands that come from every direction.  With all this, who has time to be creative,and then who has the energy for it, even when we have the space?

Fortunately, even occasional amounts of time enjoyed in a creative mind-set can expand our creative vision, and as well give a greater sense of fulfillment to every aspect of your lives.  If you feel that you’ve lost touch with your creative side and are wanting to recapture it again, there are very simple techniques you can employ to do so– even if time and motivation are in short supply.

Look at doing something new as often as possible. It’s so simple to let ourselves fall into a boring rut in our lives. We travel the same route to the same job and spend the day doing the same activities each day. Your mind goes in to a daze because of this repetition because you can accomplish most everything without conscious thought.  Live your life long enough like this, it’s easy to forget that your life could be any different.  Make a commitment to add at the minimum, a new activity to your routine each week. It could be as simple as attempting a new recipe, shopping at a different shop, or experimenting with an alternate vehicle journey. Challenge your routine and you awaken  your mind– and your creativity.

Look at your world from a different viewpoint.

When did you last really LOOK at the people and objects surrounding you?  Are you really seeing them, or do they blend away because you’re so concentrated on other things?  For a few minutes each day, take the effort to really SEE everything around you.  Notice your friend’s dazzling smile, the way the rays of the sun dances on the clouds and landscape and the scents carried by the breeze. Lie down in your garden and gaze up at the clouds, or turn round and examine the life in the grass beneath you. Examine all around you more closely and you’ll suddenly realize you’re “seeing” so much more than ever before.

Seek creative outlets more often.  A reason many people shun creative pursuits is because we believe we don’t have time to do them.  You don’t need loads of minutes in a day to benefit from a lot of enjoyment from engaging your creativity. 

You might not be able to escape from all your “necessaries of the day” but you can absolutely fit in 10 or 15 minutes to write, paint, dance, sing, or stitch each day.  You may believe that such a small period of time would not make any change, but those minutes can seem like hours when you’re doing something you genuinely love.  You might even get the inspiration to reserve more time to be creative by reducing your TV time, stopping something you no longer enjoy, or even changing employment to get more free time.

Discover the streak of creative inspiration in all things. Have you ever thought how ideas for common items and inventions were made?  Look around in your house, from artwork to the things in your kitchen drawer, and consider the ways that the inventors used to bring these things into your life.  Who first thought of that nifty little gizmo that lets you open bottles and jars more safely?  Who got the idea to put paper towels on a roll for easier storage and use?  Can you think of any great inventions that would make people’s lives easier?  Can you think of ways to improve on the products you see around you?  Whether you take action on any of these ideas isn’t important; just by thinking more creatively, you will be tapping into your own creative inspiration.

Open your mind and let good stuff seep in.  One of the reasons we feel shut off from our creative vision is because we don’t spend enough time feeding it with positive ideas.  Take time to open and expand your mind.  Read more, learn more, and open to the possibilities in your life. 

Focus more of your attention on positive, uplifting material.  Read books that inspire you, visit an art gallery and look closely at the beautiful creations on display, or listen to music that stimulates your senses.  Before long, you’ll be itching to express your creativity.

Remember that there is no right or wrong way to tap into your creativity; go with whatever works best for you.  Use these ideas as they are, adjust them to better suit your circumstances, or use them as jumping off points for your own creative ideas.  Simply focusing more on creativity alone will help you to tap into your natural creative flow.

Boost your creativity while working on your PC or laptop: Subliminal Software

A Problem
It’s interesting when you consider the balance we attempt every time we have a conversation. For example: A person is trying to communicate an idea to you by speaking. You in turn, are listening (supposed to be anyway) that is why they’re speaking of course. And so now, the dilemma is exposed when the person is finished speaking; we need something wonderful to say.

Most of us tend to listen selectively, hearing what we want to hear, and filtering everything else out. At this point we begin to postulate our own “Genius” ideas, even while the other person is still talking! Of course “we” would never do anything like this, I’m talking about other people. Now, if we’re thinking of what to say, while they’re still talking, is it possible then to still “really” listen? Hint: The correct answer would be No.

An Answer
In this example, the effective way to communicate would be to, listen intently to the ideas they’re communicating. It’s ok to form a basic idea of how you’re going to respond, just don’t let it consume your thoughts to the point where you can’t hear what they’re saying. When they’re finished speaking, take a pause if you need to and figure out what you’re going to say, then let ‘er rip. *Note* It’s ok to pause and have a moment of silence…..it really doesn’t have to be awkward EVERY time.

A Few Tips

1. Voice Inflection and Body Language: Words create emotions; every time you speak, a positive or negative emotion is created within the other person. We’ve all heard: “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Use voice inflection to illustrate your points more effectively. This includes: Tone, Pitch, Volume, and Rhythm. Become aware of your body language when speaking. It’s said that 55% of communication comes from body language, 38% from tone of voice and 7% from the actual content. People understand that words are cheap and this is why they subconsciously look for other signals to decode the information you’re transmitting.

2. Listen Intently: Listening alone accounts for 50% of communication; If you can listen well, you can communicate well. Normally, when someone speaks, the other person subconsciously decides they either, aren’t worth listening to and filter out most of what’s said or they’re so consumed with how they’re going to respond, that they don’t listen carefully.

Many problems arise due to miscommunication; this happens because the correct message either wasn’t transmitted or received correctly, resulting in frustration and/or confusion. If we could only learn to communicate well, imagine the frustrations that could be avoided in our daily lives. Another technique that’s simple to use, is to become just as involved in what the person is saying as they are. This creates an immediate connection, because enthusiasm and sincerity are sensed by the person communicating.

3. Eye Contact: What’s the proper amount of eye contact in a conversation? There’s a concept called matching, you simply mirror the other persons level of eye contact. If they’re giving you solid eye contact, say 85% and glancing away briefly before returning, then you do the same. It’s important to understand that a person’s ability to look you in the eye, is directly related to that person’s confidence in themselves. By improving your confidence and self esteem, you can become a better communicator. This takes some work and dedication, but is sure to pay off in more ways than one.

4. Speak With Authority, Conviction and Passion: Often, someone speaks just to fill dead space and they don’t really know what they’re talking about. This is a Mistake. Instead, when you speak, you want to do so with Authority, Conviction and Passion. Speak from your diaphragm, to get a deeper sound. In this manner, you cause people to want to listen, making your words more effective.

A Conclusion
Many mistakes are made when communicating, we’ve only attempted to cover a few key issues here today. When someone is speaking, do your best to really listen to what they’re saying before formulating a response. Vary your voice inflection to increase the attention span of your listener. Understand that Body Language is a large part of Communicating and learn to match the other persons level of eye contact for a comfortable exchange of words. Learn to speak with Authority, Conviction and Passion and you’ll increase the effectiveness of your words. Communicating effectively is a difficult task, but if you have the will to learn and apply these principals, you too, can become a better communicator.

Guest Article by Adam Curren:
Adam Curren has been writing and editing since April 2008 and he specializes in Personal Development/Educational Articles. Adam’s goal is to improve the quality of life for his reader through the written word. Please feel free to view more of Adam’s work through the following links: charactergrowth.com www.ehow.com www.christianmagazine.org www.lifeoptimizer.org

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I heard that line – dream beyond the common order of things – in an advertisement for tea, of all places. Yet the words jumped out at me like a vivid memory. I know that I have had many times in my life when I have created things bigger than I thought I knew how to achieve, and personally produced results that even left me in a state of bewilderment about what was possible for my life.

Have you ever experienced those moments? They are well worth revisiting and building on. They are your key to producing such results again, if you still have some more big dreams to accomplish. If you have achieved something in your past, it means that you can achieve it (or something similar), again in the future. You now have the tools you need, and cellular memory of what it takes to create anything outside of yourself.

This article lists a few of the thoughts that came up for me as I recalled a few monumental achievements in my own life, and I write them here with the intention of making a difference to the life of somebody else, who may read these words. These pointers, about living out your dreams, are not in any particular priority order. They are simply a collection of random thoughts that I know to be true, about accomplishing large goals.

If you have a massive goal and you are continually procrastinating, perhaps this is indicative of a misalignment somewhere in your life. Is there something that is not in integrity with who you believe yourself to be, or is there something for which you haven’t forgiven yourself. Those are the areas that must first be cleared up, to enable forward movement.

At some stage, when you notice that the goal you have created is not for you, then at very least do it for others. Create a purpose outside of yourself, if your own is not yet strong enough. You will build the muscles you need as you step forward. Collect all the crutches you can until you have generated some personal momentum. Soon the goal will again be yours and will no longer feel foreign to you.

Build in structures and systems that keep the dream alive over extended periods of time. Add props like quotes, images and posters in your daily surrounds. Have pop up messages on your computer, use the screensaver area on your screens, and add material to inspire you. Include supportive friends who know about your intentions, so they will ask you about it each time you speak. Ask for lots and lots of help with all the things about which you do not yet have enough knowledge. Hear the voices of experience around you.

Dreams need wheels, foundations, and time lines. Begin incorporating daily actions and habits to move you forward. Set up files, folders, calendars and other structures for being able to immediately collect material and information that you need for your projects. Set short and long-term timelines for specific phases, and for specific completion points. Then live your days toward those dates of completion, and targets that are easily measured.

Have big reasons for wanting to achieve the results you declare. Make these reasons large enough and truly heartfelt, so that they ignite passion and strong emotion behind your dreams. You need to always be able to instantly get in touch with wonderfully powerful feelings about your dream goals. Those emotions will inspire consistent action and will inspire others around you. You will need those inspired friends on the days you feel a bit too flat for taking action.

Reach for those stars, there is no mud up there. Keep your eyes focused on the end prize, in fact, a little way beyond where you say you want to be by a particular time. If you shoot a bit beyond the desired end result, then you are sure to arrive at your intended destination.

Decisions must be made. A real decision is measured by the fact that you have taken a new action. If there is no action, then you really have not decided. Check in with yourself. Have you honestly made a decision regarding your dream? If not, then make one. Either completely drop the goal or get on ahead full-steam with it.

Never use time as your excuse. Wedge dream projects into your current lifestyle, and commitments. Even if you crawl forward at ten minutes each day, do something every day toward that end goal. When you go to sleep each day, rest yourself in the knowledge that you have done something that day, to move you closer to your dream. At some time during every day, put one foot in front of the other toward that dream. Slow is better than never.

Build on positive results, and create some wins for yourself. Each time you win a little victory over yourself, you create impetus for moving forward even more. It helps you to grow, and become the person you must become for having that dream live for you. There will be changes, this is inevitable when working toward a big dream and when growing into the person who is to fit such a large dream. Allow, accept and actively encourage that level of personal growth.

All the points listed above are by no means a comprehensive collection, or a complete formula for success. They are purely a few things to consider and check in with, if you are up to some big things in your life. Throughout them all is the common thread of managing yourself. Watch the language you use, and how you speak with yourself. Live with awareness and recognize the many faces of fear. Continue to build harmony in your every day living. Never lose touch with the miracle and dream life that you already live. Inhale gratitude with every breath. You have today as a gift, now go spend it!

© Thea Westra is founder and author at www.forwardsteps.com.au, based in Perth, Australia. Enjoy her other publications with these Forward Steps subscriptions and download a few free personal development gifts from Thea.

Are you disappointed when people do not keep their commitments? Do you keep your commitments to others? Do you keep your commitments to yourself? What is happening when we are excited about committing to something and then fail to follow through?

It has been my experience that we make commitments too quickly and do not think about the basic elements in making them. Some commitments are “no brainers” and others require further thought into what the ramifications are in obligating ourselves. However, even too many “no brainers” can use up the time available to assume other more meaningful commitments. Typically we make commitments because we believe there will be some sort of reward for doing so, such as; returned favors, recognition, financial return, spiritual fulfillment, etc. So, it makes sense to notice how many commitments we make and how they give us energy or drain us.

Let’s consider what the elements of commitments are as a method to make better choices and realize more fulfilling results with an example like, I want to lose ten pounds in six months.

1. The Obligation. What is the commitment itself and what is required to keep it? The commitment is to lose ten pounds. What is required to keep it means I will have to use diet and exercise in some combination, at some level of consistent frequency, over some measure of time.

2. The Know How. What is the expertise needed to complete it? I know I will have to cut out as much fat and sugar as I can. I know I will have to exercise using aerobic and strength building exercises. But, I will have to do some research on what kinds of nutrition cuts I can make that are in alignment with what I like to eat. I refuse to eat food so void of flavor that I hate eating and dread tracking my performance. I will also have to do some research on what the correct amount and type of exercise is for me. Why commit to a jogging routine when I have no place to do so?

3. The Desire. How much do I really want this? Is my health in jeopardy with keeping these ten pounds. Am I doing it because I have friends who are and I do not want to be left out? Do my clothes look good on me or do they look tight? Am I committed to a number on the scale or can I be happy being a size 16 and still look and feel great? These questions help uncover the real motivation behind the initial desire to lose ten pounds. The deeper the desire, the more likely we can do what it takes to keep the commitment.

4. The Timing. Do I have the time? In losing the ten pounds, I will have to shop differently, perhaps, at a store that is not as close to my home as I would like. I will have to make time in my schedule to exercise. This means that I may have to give up something else in order to make consistent exercise time. It may mean that my family has to help me by taking on more responsibilities to free up my time.

Is the timing right for me? Is the ten pounds in six months realistic? What other things are going on in my life right now that would conflict with my plans to lose the ten pounds? I may be taking care of elderly parents, working long hours, volunteering, or very involved with my children’s activities.

5. The Result. What are the advantages & disadvantages of assuming this? On the advantage side: 1) I would lose the weight and feel better about myself; 2) my health would be better; and 3) I would have more energy. On the disadvantage side: 1) I would have to take time away from my family to exercise; 2) I would have to work fewer hours that might complicate things at work; and 3) if I don’t do it, I will feel miserable about myself. The importance of each of the advantages and disadvantages, including their validity, is up to the individual. But, the idea is sound where assessing these things may lead from a full diet and exercise program to a modified version of it like; cutting meal portions down by half, using the stairs at work rather than the elevator, parking further away from store doors to get in more walking, substituting water for coffee, limiting fast food, and giving myself permission to lose the weight over ten months instead of six.

By taking the extra time in applying the Elements of Commitments, we can be more successful in the types of things we commit ourselves to. The Elements are useful in large commitments as well as small commitments. Small commitments drain our time if we assume too many of them. Assessing them brings awareness of where commitments can be delegated. Time is one of our most important resources. What we spend, we can never get back. Use your time on activities that fulfill you the most.

Helen Ewing is a Business & Personal Coach with over 20 years Manufacturing Industry experience in the Materials Management arena. I provide successful methods that solve problems in less time, with less money and with less effort through Coaching for Businesses and Professionals. I invite you for a visit at, http://1ewingroup.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Helen_Ewing

Before you begin a thing, remind yourself that difficulties and delays quite impossible to foresee are ahead. You can only see one thing clearly and that is your goal. Form a mental vision of that and cling to it through thick and thin. (Kathleen Norris)

If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done. (John Lubbock)

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them. (Denis Waitley)

We can be our own worst enemy at times.
How often can you see that it was you who actually got in your own way on the path to fulfilling a goal?

It was usually only a thought that got in the way! Something that you made up…so, you could make up something else.
A replacement thought that empowers you.

Write down as many of the discouraging thoughts that you can recall, from those times you actually stopped yourself.
Alongside each of these, record a replacement thought that really gives you some power.

What could you put in place so that you remember to replace your negative thoughts with an empowering thought?
An automatic pop up on your computer screen?
A colourful card sitting up on your desk or pasted to the front of your diary?

Most days we say some horrid things to ourselves and we aren’t even conscious that the tape is playing!

Consider also, the people with whom you surround yourself.
Are there people with whom you could spend more time?
Are there people with whom you could spend less time?

Lastly, when exploring your New Year resolutions – here are a few pointers to send you on your way:

Are your intented outcomes crystal clear to you and do you have them somewhere on display for yourself – in words or images?
Do you have powerful reasons for wanting to accomplishing your chosen goals?

Make a practice of writing down your 6 top priority goals, daily.
It is worth those extra 5 minutes each day – recreating your desire for reaching that next stepping stone.

Are your New Year resolutions feasible?
Are the deadlines too tight? Could your goals be broken down into bite sized chunks (i.e. milestones along the way).
You may easily become discouraged if your goals seems impossible to achieve. This can chip away at your confidence in going after what you want.
A strong belief in your goals is mandatory.

Have you put something in place to really celebrate each milestone victory, great or small?
This will expand your personal confidence. Reward the source of your results.

For further personal exploration:

A site with practical tools for creative dreamers is www.howmuchjoy.com
An extremely resourceful site to visit is www.ehappylife.com/custom/about.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Thea_Westra