Erase Fearful Feelings From Your Life is a Forward Steps guest article written by (ad) Guy Finley
That seemingly scary condition, whatever it may be, is not the problem. It’s your reaction that has you shaking.
That’s why, if you’ll become conscious of a fearful condition instead of afraid of it, you’ll change forever your relationship with fear. It’s true.
Being conscious of your fear empowers you to interact with it in an entirely new way.
This new inner relationship gives you the power to be awake to your fear’s scary influences, instead of being their unconscious slave.
As each day you discover something new about the shaky nature of your own fearful reactions, they lose their power over you. Why? You see them for what they have always been: unintelligent, mechanical forces.
To be consciously afraid means that you know you are frightened, yet at the same time, to know that these very fears, as real as they may seem, are not you.
Fear is really nothing other than a self-limiting reaction that we’ve always mistaken for a shield of self-protection.
It’s time to let it go, which you can do anytime you want. Here’s how: Dare to proceed, even while being afraid.
Employing this simple but higher instruction to proceed even while being afraid will not only show you the strange faces of all those habitual reactions that have had you on the run, yet it will also empower you to start seeing through them.
As you’ll gratefully discover, each of your new insights into their actual nature removes some of their power over you. Better yet, their loss is your gain!
The following step will help you face those fearful feelings and erase them from your life once and for all.
Do you know someone whom you would rather run from than run into? Most of us do! Nevertheless, starting right now, resolve never again to avoid any person who scares you.
In fact, whether at home or work, go ahead and walk right up to that critical or aggressive person and say exactly what you want, instead of letting the fear tell you to do what it wants. Have no ideas at all about the way things should or shouldn’t go.
Of course, this exercise is not an excuse to be cruel or rude.
Remember, your aim in working with this step in self-liberation is not to win an ego victory, it’s rather to watch and learn something new about yourself.
Drop any other misplaced self-conscious concerns. Let that person see you shake, if that’s what starts to happen. What do you care? It’s only temporary. Besides, that unpleasant person before you can’t know it, but you’re shaking yourself awake!
Stand your inner ground even if it feels as though you might fall through the floor. Allow your reactions to roll by you, instead of letting them carry you away as they’ve always done in the past.
If you’ll fight for yourself in this new way, it won’t be the floor beneath you that you feel open. It will be your inner eyes!
What they see is that this flood, of what were once unconscious reactions, has its own life story; a shaky story that up until now you’d taken as your own. Yet it’s not.
You see that these fears do not belong to you and that they never have. Everything about your life changes in this one moment.
Here’s what has been revealed to you:
You have never been afraid of another person. The only thing you’ve ever been frightened by is your own thoughts about that person. Yes, you did feel fear, but it wasn’t yours. It wasn’t towards someone stronger than you.
Being conscious of your fear empowers you to interact with it in an entirely new way. Share on XThe fear you always felt was in what you thought they were thinking about you.
Amazing isn’t it? You have been afraid of your own thoughts.
Excerpted from “Design Your Destiny” by (ad) Guy Finley
How Do You Respond When Fear Takes Hold?
Fear can feel powerful, especially when our thoughts and automatic reactions take over. Yet becoming aware of what is happening inside us can change how we respond. This quiz explores your current approach to fearful feelings and how you might begin to meet them with greater awareness, courage and self-trust.
Your Fear Response
The Fear Observer
Your answers suggest that awareness is an important part of how you want to work with fear. Rather than automatically running from an uncomfortable feeling or allowing it to dictate your behaviour, you are interested in understanding what is happening within you.
This is a valuable starting point. When you notice fear as it arises, you create a little space between the feeling and your response. You can begin to see that having a fearful reaction does not mean you have to obey it or define yourself by it.
The next time fear appears, pause and identify what you are experiencing. Notice your thoughts, physical sensations and urge to react. Give yourself time to observe before deciding what to do.
Strengthen your confidence and self-belief with this free Believe in Yourself ebook.
Continue exploring your personal growth with another of these Forward Steps quizzes.
The Thought Questioner
Your answers suggest that you are beginning to recognise how much fearful feelings can be influenced by your thoughts and assumptions. You may find yourself imagining what others think of you, predicting an uncomfortable outcome or treating an uncertain possibility as though it were already a fact.
Questioning these mental stories can be freeing. You cannot always know what another person is thinking or how a situation will unfold. You can, however, become more discerning about the conclusions you draw and avoid giving imagined outcomes unnecessary authority over your choices.
When a fearful thought appears, ask yourself what you actually know. What are you assuming? What else might be true? This simple distinction can help you respond to the situation rather than to a story your mind has created.
For more encouragement to trust your own abilities, enjoy this free Believe in Yourself ebook.
You might also enjoy exploring other areas of self-understanding through the Forward Steps Personal Growth Quizzes.
The Courageous Step-Taker
Your answers suggest that you value taking action rather than allowing fear to keep you stuck. You understand that waiting until you feel completely confident may mean waiting indefinitely. Sometimes the most meaningful progress begins when you take a small step while the nerves are still there.
Courage does not mean being fearless. It means choosing a considered response even when discomfort is present. The aim is not to win an argument, prove yourself or force an outcome. It is to learn something new about yourself and discover that fear does not have to make every decision for you.
Identify one situation you have been avoiding. Choose a small, respectful action that moves you towards addressing it. Afterwards, reflect on what you learned rather than judging yourself by how perfectly it went.
Give your self-belief another boost with the free Believe in Yourself ebook.
When you are ready for another step in your development, try one of the other Forward Steps quizzes.
The Inner Grounding Builder
Your answers suggest that you want to develop a steadier relationship with yourself when facing uncomfortable people or situations. You recognise that you cannot control another person's opinions, reactions or behaviour. What you can work towards is remaining grounded in your own values and choices.
This is an important distinction. Fear often becomes stronger when we believe everything must go a certain way for us to feel safe. Learning to allow uncertainty, without surrendering your inner balance, can help you meet difficult moments with greater freedom.
Before an interaction that makes you uneasy, remind yourself that you do not need to control its outcome. Decide how you want to behave, express yourself respectfully and allow the other person to have their own response.
Explore ways to strengthen your confidence with this free Believe in Yourself ebook.
There are more opportunities to reflect and grow in the Forward Steps collection of personal growth quizzes.
Explore This Idea Further
Optional prompts to help you make the ideas your own.
I use AI as a thinking companion, not as a replacement for my own thinking. These prompts are simply another way to explore the ideas in this article and see how they might apply to your own life.
You don’t have to use AI to benefit from them. You can copy a prompt into a notebook, write about it in your journal, talk it through with someone you trust or simply sit with the question and see what comes up for you. If you do use ChatGPT or another AI tool, treat its responses as a starting point for your own thinking.
You remain the person who decides what is useful and right for your life.
How to use these prompts: Choose the one that appeals to you, copy the complete prompt and paste it into ChatGPT or another AI tool. You can answer its questions and continue the conversation as you go.
1. Apply This To My Life
Use this prompt when you want to understand how fear may be influencing a situation in your own life and how you could respond differently.
Help me understand how I can become less controlled by fear in a situation that matters to me. Use the Forward Steps article “Erase Fearful Feelings From Your Life” as your primary source.
The article explores the difference between being conscious of fear and being carried away by fearful reactions. It suggests that fear can come from our thoughts about a person or situation and encourages us to become aware of those reactions rather than automatically obeying them.
Help me identify where this might apply in my own life. Perhaps I avoid someone, hold back from saying what I want to say or worry about what another person thinks of me.
Ask me a few relevant questions to understand my circumstances before offering personalised guidance. Help me explore what I may be imagining, what I am actually experiencing and how I could respond more consciously.
Keep your suggestions grounded in the article. Help me find a way to move forward even if I still feel afraid, while respecting my wellbeing and the reality of my situation. Build on my answers through a natural conversation rather than giving me everything at once.
2. Reflect More Deeply
Use this prompt when you want to look beyond your immediate fearful reactions and explore what they may be revealing about your thinking.
What if some of the fear holding you back comes less from the situation itself and more from the thoughts you have about it? Help me explore this idea more deeply using the Forward Steps article “Erase Fearful Feelings From Your Life” as your primary source.
The article suggests that we can feel fear without allowing it to define us or control our actions. It encourages us to notice fearful reactions, recognise their habitual nature and allow them to pass without being carried away by them.
Help me consider the difference between a real situation and the story I might be telling myself about it. What assumptions do I make about other people’s thoughts or reactions? Where might I mistake a fearful response for a form of self-protection? What could I learn by observing my reactions rather than automatically following them?
Ask thoughtful questions one at a time and respond to my answers. Help me notice useful insights and possibilities I may have overlooked, without making the discussion overly psychological or clinical. Keep our exploration connected to what the article actually teaches.
3. Turn It Into Action
Use this prompt when you are ready to take a small step towards something fear has been holding you back from doing.
Choose one fear you would like to stop allowing to make your decisions, then explore how you could take a small step forward even while that fear is present. Use the Forward Steps article “Erase Fearful Feelings From Your Life” as your primary source.
The article encourages us to become conscious of fearful feelings rather than unconsciously obeying them. It suggests daring to proceed while afraid, noticing our habitual reactions and allowing those reactions to pass without letting them carry us away.
Help me identify one situation where I could practise this approach. If it involves another person, help me consider how to express myself honestly and calmly without becoming cruel, rude or focused on winning an argument. Help me approach the experience as an opportunity to observe and learn about my reactions.
Ask me a few questions if you need to understand the situation. Then help me create a simple, realistic plan with one manageable first step. Include what I could pay attention to when fear arises and how I might learn from the experience afterwards.
Keep the plan practical and encouraging. I don’t need to eliminate fear before I begin. Help me make progress at a pace that respects my circumstances, without expecting perfection.
Tip: You don’t have to use all three. Start with the one that feels most useful to you right now.
Hi, I'm Thea Westra at Forward Steps (forwardstepsblog.com)
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