Have you ever had the feeling that something is missing from your life?
Perhaps your life looks reasonably good from the outside. You may have people you care about, a place to live, work or other responsibilities, interests, possessions and plenty of things to be grateful for.
Yet somewhere inside there can still be a quiet feeling that says:
“Is this all there is?”
Or perhaps your question is more specific.
Why don’t I feel happier?
Why don’t I feel fulfilled?
What am I searching for?
What would make my life feel more complete?
What is missing from my life that I can’t quite put into words?
These can be surprisingly difficult questions to answer.
The first instinct is often to look outside ourselves for the missing piece.
Maybe we need a different job.
Maybe we need more money.
Maybe we need a relationship.
Maybe we need to travel more.
Maybe we need a bigger house, better health, greater success, more excitement or a completely fresh start.
Sometimes those things really can make a difference.
What if the feeling that something is missing isn't always telling you that you need more? Share on XYet there is another possibility worth considering.
What if the feeling that something is missing isn’t always telling you that you need more?
What if it is sometimes inviting you to look at your life differently?
When “something is missing” becomes a way of living
There is nothing wrong with wanting our lives to improve.
Growth is a wonderful thing.
We can always learn, change, experience more, develop ourselves and take another step forward.
The difficulty begins when we unconsciously turn improvement into an endless search for the thing that will finally make us feel complete.
We tell ourselves:
I’ll be happy when I find the right relationship.
I’ll feel successful when I earn more money.
I’ll relax when I’ve finished everything.
I’ll feel fulfilled when I discover my purpose.
I’ll enjoy life more when things settle down.
Then we reach one of those destinations only to discover that another destination has appeared.
The goalposts move.
There is always another improvement to make, another problem to solve and another version of ourselves to become.
Before long, we can spend so much time looking for what is missing that we overlook what is already present.
What might actually be missing?
Of course, sometimes there really is something important missing from our lives.
Perhaps we have neglected our friendships.
Perhaps we have lost touch with creativity.
Perhaps our days contain too much obligation and not enough freedom.
Perhaps we need more meaningful work.
Perhaps we have stopped learning.
Perhaps we need adventure, rest, affection, laughter or time alone.
Perhaps we have been living according to other people’s expectations rather than our own values.
Perhaps we have become so busy looking after everyone else that we have forgotten to ask ourselves what we need.
These are worthwhile questions.
Instead of simply asking:
“What’s missing from my life?”
try asking:
“What am I longing to experience more of?”
That small change can make the question much easier to explore.
Look beneath the obvious answer
Suppose you answer:
“I need more money”
Ask yourself why.
What would more money give you?
Security?
Freedom?
Less worry?
More choices?
More time?
The money itself may not be the deepest desire.
Or perhaps you think:
“I need a new job”
What would the new job provide?
Recognition?
Creativity?
A sense of purpose?
Better relationships?
Greater independence?
More challenge?
Again, the obvious answer may only be pointing towards something deeper.
This is one of the most useful things we can do when exploring dissatisfaction:
Keep asking what the thing we want would actually give us.
The answer underneath the answer can be surprisingly revealing.
Are you missing something or comparing yourself?
Another question is worth asking:
Would I feel that something was missing if I stopped comparing my life with other people’s?
We live surrounded by carefully selected versions of other people’s lives.
We see their achievements, holidays, homes, relationships, bodies, businesses, adventures and apparently wonderful moments.
We don’t see the ordinary Tuesday afternoon.
We don’t see their doubts.
We don’t see their disappointments.
We don’t see the things they are worrying about.
Comparison can therefore create a strange illusion.
We look at somebody else’s highlight reel and compare it with our own complete life.
Then we conclude:
“They have something I don’t”
Perhaps they do.
Yet perhaps we have something they don’t.
A more useful question is:
“What actually matters to me?”
Not what looks impressive.
Not what other people tell me I should want.
Not what society says represents success.
What matters to me?
What if you’re searching for a feeling?
Sometimes we think we are searching for an external thing when what we really want is an internal experience.
We don’t necessarily want the new house.
We want the feeling we imagine the new house will give us.
We don’t necessarily want the promotion.
We want to feel valued.
We don’t necessarily want the holiday.
We want freedom.
We don’t necessarily want more possessions.
We want security or satisfaction.
We don’t necessarily want to become somebody completely different.
We may simply want to feel more comfortable being ourselves.
This is why asking “What do I want?” can sometimes be less revealing than asking:
“How do I want to feel?”
That question can open a very different door.
What if the problem is not your life?
This is where the question becomes particularly interesting.
Sometimes we assume:
“Something is missing from my life”
Yet what if the real issue is the way we are interpreting our life?
Our assumptions influence what we notice.
If we believe we are unsuccessful, we can overlook evidence of our progress.
If we believe we are unlucky, we can overlook opportunities.
If we believe we are not enough, achievements may never feel sufficient.
If we believe happiness is somewhere in the future, the present moment can become little more than a waiting room.
Our minds are remarkably good at finding evidence for the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves.
So perhaps there is another question worth asking:
“What if one of my assumptions about my life is limiting what I can see?”
That doesn’t mean pretending everything is wonderful.
It means becoming curious.
There is a big difference between positive thinking and honest curiosity.
You don't have to convince yourself that nothing is wrong. Share on XYou don’t have to convince yourself that nothing is wrong.
You can simply become willing to investigate whether you are seeing the whole picture.
A simple “What’s Missing?” self reflection
If you want to explore this for yourself, find a quiet few minutes and write your answers to these questions.
Don’t try to produce the perfect answers. Write whatever comes to mind.
1. What do I currently feel is missing from my life?
Write the first answer that comes to you.
2. If I had that thing, what would it give me?
Go one level deeper.
3. What would that make possible?
Keep exploring.
4. How do I imagine I would feel if I had it?
Name the feeling.
5. Where could I experience a little more of that feeling now?
This is an important question.
You may discover that you don’t have to wait until some distant future to experience even a small part of what you are seeking.
6. What am I taking for granted in my life right now?
Look for the ordinary things that have quietly become invisible because they are familiar.
7. Whose definition of a good life am I using?
Is it genuinely yours?
8. What would I choose if I didn’t need to impress anyone?
Let yourself answer honestly.
9. What have I been assuming is impossible for me?
Don’t immediately argue with the answer.
Just notice it.
10. What might become visible if I looked at my life with fresh eyes?
That final question may be the most interesting one of all.
You may not need to find everything
Personal growth is often presented as a process of acquiring more.
More knowledge.
More confidence.
More success.
More money.
More experiences.
More discipline.
More happiness.
More achievements.
Sometimes those things are exactly what we need.
Yet growth can also involve removing assumptions.
Letting go of an outdated belief.
Questioning a limitation.
Releasing an expectation.
Seeing an old situation differently.
Recognising something we had stopped noticing.
Understanding ourselves more honestly.
Sometimes the next step isn’t about adding something to our lives.
Sometimes it is about seeing what has been there all along.
What if the “missing piece” is not what you expected?
There is something fascinating about the question “What’s missing from my life?”
It assumes there is a missing piece.
But assumptions deserve to be examined too.
Perhaps there is something genuinely missing.
Perhaps there is an unmet need asking for your attention.
Perhaps you have outgrown a part of your life.
Perhaps you need to make a change.
Perhaps the feeling of lack has been strengthened by an assumption that you have never stopped to question.
What if the thing you believe is missing isn’t actually missing in the way you think it is?
What if the thing you believe is missing isn't actually missing in the way you think it is? Share on XThat possibility is worth exploring.
If the way we see our lives is partly shaped by our beliefs, expectations and limitations, then changing what we see may sometimes change what we experience.
That can be a much more powerful form of personal growth than simply adding another item to the list of things we think we need.
A different question to take with you
So rather than continually asking:
“What’s missing from my life?”
try sitting with this:
“What am I not seeing clearly yet?”
Then become curious.
Look at your relationships.
Look at your daily routines.
Look at your expectations.
Look at your definition of success.
Look at the stories you tell yourself.
Look at the possibilities you have dismissed.
Look at the things you already have.
Most importantly, look at the assumptions that quietly determine what you believe is possible.
You may discover that the answer to what has been troubling you isn’t as simple as “I need more”.
It may be something much more interesting.
What if a limitation is creating the illusion that something is missing?
That’s the idea behind the free gift I’ve chosen to share with you.
It offers another way of looking at the question of what may be missing from our lives and invites you to consider whether something you have accepted as a limitation might actually be an illusion.
If that possibility intrigues you, take a few minutes to explore it for yourself.
Discover a consciousness capable of realizing a world without limitations in this (ad) free 7-hour seminar The Illusion of Limitation gift.
Sometimes the most valuable step forward isn’t finding something new.
Sometimes it is discovering that we have been looking in the wrong direction.
Hi, I'm Thea Westra at Forward Steps (forwardstepsblog.com)
CLICK HERE To Trigger More Of Those Forward Steps 'Aha' Light Bulb Moments!