Many of us would like to have more self-trust.
It’s painful to question and doubt yourself and it keeps you from transforming your life.
Here are a few ideas that will help you increase your self-trust.
Behave like someone you would trust
In relationships, we have to earn the trust of people. Why should that be different with self-trust?
What makes you trust people?
– Perhaps they’re honest and keep their promises.
– Maybe they’re competent and confident?
– Most of us trust people who are supportive of us.
Chances are, you don’t treat yourself like the people you trust and maybe you don’t behave according to your definition of “trustworthy”.
It’s not your fault.
Self-help books and personal coaching gurus influence us to reach for the stars. They tell us that anything is possible.
Then, when we reach for the stars and fall short of our target(s), the psychological effect is that we feel like a failure.
How can we fail at something simple such as losing 20 pounds when we were so sure that anything was possible?
Motivational speakers tell us that the sky is the limit. That’s frustrating when we lack the resources to buy/build a moon shuttle and instead, need to work two jobs to send our children to a good school.
I want you to do yourself a favor, listen to people who don’t just tell you to reach for the stars, they also teach you how to get there.
What say you? If I showed you a few doable steps, would you try them?
Broken promises destroy trust
Instead of “broken promises,” we can say goals not yet achieved. That’s what broken promises are. Broken promises destroy your self-trust.
Being honest with yourself means you don’t make promises you can’t or don’t want to keep.
New Year resolutions are a great example. You know you won’t stop smoking/drinking/junk food, go on a diet, learn two new languages and be nice to your mean grandma, all at the same time.
You’re just setting yourself up for failure.
Self-trust grows when we’re successful
They tell us we’re not going places because the goals we set are too small. I cannot entirely agree with that. At least as many or even more people, fail because they set their goals too high.
Try taking smaller steps
Small steps aren’t small at all. They add up to huge achievements because it’s less likely that you’ll break your smaller promises to self.With every small promise you actually keep, the power of your “I will...”, becomes stronger. Click To Tweet
With every small promise you actually keep, the power of your “I will…” becomes stronger.
Each promise you keep increases your self-trust. Little successes are easy to achieve and they fuel your motivation.
For instance, maybe you’re postponing doing your taxes because it’s a painful, lengthy act. Instead of promising you’ll do it tomorrow, promise you will put all the folders you need on your desk. Just that. This is doable, right?
Instead of promising yourself to quit junk food for good, promise you will eat one healthy meal today. Step by step, you work towards your goal.
After a short while, you will begin to trust yourself again because you’ll know that when you say “I will”, you will.
Remember to celebrate your successes too!
Self-kindness increases your self-trust
If you’re like most people, you wouldn’t have a single friend if you’d treated your friends like you so often treat yourself…
– Negative self-talk
– Focusing on weaknesses
– Being unforgiving and mean
– Broken promises and lies
Tell me, how could you trust yourself when you’re mean to yourself?
Treating yourself more like a good friend will increase your self-trust.
You could accept that you’re not perfect, just like you accept that the people you love are not perfect.
If you’re supportive of yourself by learning new skills and increasing your competence, you will also increase your self-trust.
Treating yourself fair by setting achievable goals, in the form of promises you won’t break, is another effective action.
Small actions beat big words.
That’s how you earn your trust.
If establishing your word as law is important to you, then you will enjoy reading my favorite chapter from a book by Stuart Wilde. The mind is used to getting away with a lot of promises it never intends to keep. You tell yourself you’ll do this and that, and then you don’t.
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